Bad news

My supervisor called me into the office today and told me I was only on the auxiliary list of applicants for my job and probably wouldn't get an interview, let alone the job itself. My interpretation of the reasons for this is that other applicants had more shiny titles after their names. It seemed like my experience, the blood, sweat and tears, not to mention sleepless nights, that I had poured into maintaining the website counted for nothing.

I'm so angry and depressed. I wonder if they even bothered to look at the high standard of code I had been creating for web applications. If the site wasn't perfect, maybe that's because I was busy trying to do the job of three people and cope with all the legacy systems. I was always able to do a lot more on my own computers with their updated libraries and software rather then wait months or years for system admin requests at work. Yet, I bet they had things like java web applications in mind and other sexy stuff, neglecting to remember that the position was busy enough as it was.

Damn it, I want to work in the sciences next to real working scientists. Most websites are just glorified marketing tools. Please, don't punish me that way! I did my time doing jobs I hated. I'm just not cut out for a suit and tie, for a buzzword environment.

Why do my dreams always get shattered when I work so hard to attain them? I worked so hard to keep on to this one, gave it everything I had. I wonder how long it will be before my name is erased from the systems, the records of my contributions lost? My name doesn't appear on any papers, I don't have the immortality of the astronomers. Maybe that's why I can be discarded so easily.

I haven't relaxed for months now thanks to this position being readvertised, while the people who judged it were on holidays. Instead I continued to give my job the all. And it seems nobody cared. For that reason, I can't sleep tonight.